Finally. And it feels good, that secret little smile that comes out every time someone asks if I’m happy to be here. And yet life keeps moving, and because have to deal with it, I don’t even have time to feel elated. I remember telling a friend back home how I realized I was expecting Buenos Aires to be fabulous, but was aware it would probably end up being normal, which is to say, a mixed bag of fabulous and crappy and just plain fine. She laughed. Which I think is the right response.
I’ve been here for a week, and as it turns out, making huge life transitions while searching for a job and an apartment is pretty exhausting. I keep waiting to have that moment to breathe and take it all in. And whenever I do, I feel pretty damn happy. But mostly I feel like so much is happening at once. In this past week, I’ve started an awesome internship, gone to shoot photos of a lovely printmaker in quiet Villa del Parque, stayed out in the provincia with my boyfriend’s family, been devastated when his car was broken into the first night at our Palermo sublet, had three job interviews, gotten health insurance, teetered all over the city in heels that just don’t work on cobblestones, learned how to use a smart phone (though mine is more like a mildly-intelligent phone), visited three potential apartments, tried and failed to obtain the elusive SUBE card, and made pizza on a parrilla. And that’s why I haven’t unpacked anything, cleaned anything, or bought anything to eat except fruit and mate.
I try to be a person who is very present and life, who lives in the moment. But sometimes it’s hard to avoid the constant feeling that as soon as the next step happens all will be well…I wanted so badly to finish school. Then I wanted so badly to come here. Now I want to have a steady job that pays well and inspires me. I want to be settled in the apartment that will become home, and make friends with my local fruit seller, and find a place to do pilates and yoga, and establish a routine and some tranquility. I know all these will happen, just like the others did. But the real challenge is being able to awaken to the moment, now, and recognize that life happens during the process of reaching milestones, and not just in their completion. At least, that’s the goal for tomorrow…tonight I’m too exhausted. 🙂